Life’s End Comments

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Comments received regarding “One Life’s End”

(author identifications removed)

Why Share These?

As Daphne and I went through the process described we discovered that there was much more interest than information in the RVM community.  Improving that situation is up to the residents — Death with Dignity and related subjects are “controversial,” and since PRS and RVM are interested in appealing to the broadest possible market, they will not risk being associated with something that might disturb some fraction of the population.

Recognition of the breadth of interest and support is an important step in bringing the information to the interested — and potentially interested.

Bob Buddemeier

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Thank you for writing and sharing this story.  I’m glad Daphne was able to die in the way she chose. Always a smart lady.

 

Thank you for “One Life’s End”.  My wife and I started our new life here at the Manor on xxxx, 2020.  We will be participating in DWD when the time comes.

 

A million thanks for bravely writing the article about Daphne’s departure.  We have been staunch supporters of Death with Dignity since we watched Xxxx use it with such ease and, yes, dignity; but we have since seen so many people shy away from any conversation about the process.  Your article is a huge step forward in letting people know what really happens and how it is not something to be feared or a topic to be avoided.  Again, many thanks.

 

Thank you for sharing such a personal, touching and oddly comforting experience.

 

THANK YOU for your wonderful, thoughtful Essay.  I did not attach a public comment — but I wanted you to know how much I am in agreement with all your ideas/attitudes, (and have been since my 40’s).  I also think it is so helpful that you bring it (possibly) to the attention of the broader RVM community.  When we first moved here 11 years ago, RVM administration types would not engage in ANY discussion of such, even though it was the law of the land — happily, they are gradually coming around….

 

Bob and Joni, thank you for sharing Daphne’s view on life and death.  I’m with you, Daphne, and you’re still with us!

 

I just read your article on Daphne.  So nicely written.  Thank you for sharing that.

 

Your article about Daphne in The Complement was powerful and moving.  Thank you for writing it and sharing it.

 

What a remarkable tribute to a remarkable woman.  You and your wife have given the rest of us a clear-eyed, courageous view of what we all must face.  Death with dignity, indeed.  Thank you,

 

Thanks for your well written piece on Daphne and DWD.  What you wrote resonated with me.  I give you and yours high marks for being better prepared with a support system than Xxxx and I were.

 

Xxxxx and I read the article.  Very well done!!  I cried the first time and I cried the second time. How incredible to be surrounded with so much love and support those final moments!!  Thank you for sharing.

 

Thank you so much for this reassuring and inspiring piece about Daphne and how she (and your family) handled the process/progress of death with dignity.  Death seems (to me) to be something of a 4-letter word here at RVM. No one seems to want to register that it is happening except with a photo in a wall display case when it’s all over.  I needed a role model for when my time comes and I don’t think I could do much better than Daphne.

 

I do wish to thank you for your generosity and openness to write and share.  My mother lived for 15 years with advancing dementia, and I don’t believe she would have appreciated her final years.  I do wish the laws would allow death with dignity not just for terminal patients but for those who do not wish to have a decline of increased dependency and loss of cognition.  Your comment about how we deal with the death of our friends here is mostly upon us.  However, when a precious friend here died last October, I was so gratified that YANA recognized that close friends suffer a deep sense of loss, sending a card and flowers to her friends.  Daphne was special and brave.  As are you.

 

I appreciated so much your piece in the Complement describing Daphne’s journey. In my personal experience, almost never has someone been so open about revealing such intimate details about a loved one’s death. Thank you. Daphne affected my life in special and positive ways, one of them being so open herself.

Book Review: Gods of the Upper Air

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Gods of the Upper Air: How a Circle of Renegade Anthropologists
Reinvented Race, Sex, and Gender in the Twentieth Century,
by Charles King (Doubleday, 2019)

Reviewed by Anne Newins

Anne Newins

Many of us may remember a class that changed our world view.  In my case, it was a cultural anthropology class taken during my freshman year of college. Even though I was raised in a highly diverse environment, I had not thought about how much behavior and values were dependent on one’s culture. In four short months, I became much more tolerant and accepting of others’ viewpoints.

Gods of the Upper Air allowed me to revisit those heady days. Charles King, a professor of international affairs and government at Georgetown University, has taken a thought-provoking side trip. King’s absorbing account is about the development of cultural anthropology as an academic discipline, but it also is part adventure story and part biography. The book profiles the father of cultural anthropology, Franz Boas, and a number of his protégées, including Ruth Benedict, Margaret Mead, Zora Neale Hurston, and Ella Cara Deloria.

Since the field examines cultural variation among humans, cultural anthropology often  relies on fieldwork that take place in far flung locations. The researchers must develop productive working relationships with their study subjects, while trying to decide if what they are learning from their informants is accurate or highly subjective. Obviously, this is not easy to do and takes enormous time, patience, and strong observational skills.

These lively and energetic scholars often had to cope with personal poverty, disease and danger during their fieldwork. They were confronting historical opinions that were racist, sexist, and frequently unaccepting of women in academia. Among others, of their major adversaries was Madison Grant, a well-known eugenicist of the time.

Most have heard of Margaret Mead and her groundbreaking work in American Samoa and New Guinea. Ruth Benedict was a lover, and most importantly, her mentor at
Columbia University. African American Zora Neale Hurston is famous for fiction writing, but was noted for her work about American folklore. Ella Cara Deloria, of Dakota Indian descent and linguistically fluent, conducted complex work about the Sioux.

Reviewer Anthony Clemons describes the book as “creative storytelling with rich historical detail to show the reader that facts contradicting established norms rarely outmatch the willingness of the masses to cling to those norms, leaving the potential for ideological change to the tyranny of time.”

A copy of the book may be found at the Rogue Manor Library.

Big, Borrowed, or Both — May

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Sometimes we come across interesting things that have been produced elsewhere or don’t quite fit in our format.  Why should that stop us?

 

Susan Ball keeps us up to date on RVM-relevant happenings appearing in the external press.  She recently circulated an interesting piece on the position of CCRCs in the rapidly changing retirement industry:  Entry-Fee CCRC Model Seen as Less “Endangered” than Before Pandemic  

 

3550: The online quarterly magazine of the Portland Mirabella (also a PRS CCRC facility), it is an open internet publication.

 

The Mirabella Monthly newsletter of the Seattle Mirabella is available in PDF format by (free) subscription: email jaredcurtis@icloud.com   To download the May issue, Click here

Book Review: How to Avoid Climate Disaster

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How to Avoid a Climate Disaster – The Solutions We Have and The Breakthroughs We Need

By Bill Gates, Reviewed by Sally Densmore

Sally Densmore

Bill Gates and his wife Melinda are best known for their work through their Foundation to rid the third world of devasting diseases like malaria. Through that work, he realized that these low-income peoples were also the most vulnerable to the perils of climate change. Being a scientist, he decided to inform himself of the facts and the possible solutions. And that’s what he has laid out in this very readable book.

I have been a conservationist and recycler for years, and have had a Prius since 2006, so I didn’t need to be persuaded of the need to deal with this crisis. This book, however, has convinced me that we can’t really keep nibbling around the edges. Bold action is needed now. And I’ve learned things I’ve never heard anyone else discuss.

There is so much talk about the need for all of us to start driving electric vehicles, but very little about the fact that two-thirds of our electricity comes from fossil fuels. The biggest surprise was the fact that 31% of our CO2 emissions comes from the manufacture of concrete, steel and plastics.

First he delineates the causes of greenhouse gases: how we plug in, how we make things, how we grow things, how we get around and how we keep cool and stay warm. Then he discusses how we will have to use innovative research to adapt to a warmer climate. The first page states:

Fifty-one billion is how many tons of greenhouse gases the world typically

adds to the atmosphere every year. . . . This is where we are today. Zero

is what we need to aim for. . . .This sounds difficult, because it will be.

In order to get to zero by 2050, we’ll have to have tough governmental policies in place by 2030.

Gates doesn’t pretend to be the perfect spokesman, guiltily confessing that he is a rich man who has an enormous carbon footprint (he now buys sustainable jet fuel). I really appreciate the easy, conversational tone he uses in the book, giving excellent examples of the scientific concepts involved. I highly recommend this.

What’s New in May

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NEWS & VIEWS

The Manor Mart is Open!, by Connie Kent
      -Shop until you drop!

Surviving Surviving, by Joni Johnson
      -On surviving sudden loss 

The First Step by Bob Buddemeier
     -RVM Volunteers Step Up

Confusion Over Freeway Offramp Construction, by Connie Kent
      -a collection of posts on the RVM List 

“One Life’s End” Comments, by Bob Buddemeier
     -Readers’ reactions to the story of Daphne’s Death with Dignity

         in Big, Borrowed, or Both

Entry Fee CCRCs Endangered?
     -an article circulated on RVM List by Susan Ball

3550:  the Portland Mirabella quarterly magazine (most recent issue)

Mirabella Monthly, Newsletter of the Seattle Mirabella (most recent issue)

ARTS & INFO 

RVM Spring Birds, a photo collage by Reina Lopez

More Six-Word Novels
     –a collection of responses to Eleanor Lippman’s Covid challenge

Still More Words at Play, by Tom Conger

RVM May-July Event & Entertainment Schedule

May Library Display, by Anne Newins

How To Avoid Climate Disaster — (Book Review), by Sally Densmore

Gods of the Upper Air — (Book Review), by Anne Newins

PREPARE

The “Design-a-Kit” Game, by Bob Buddemeier
      -a challenge for fans of preparedness

Status and guidance, by Bob Buddemeier & the RPG team
      -the latest milestones and plans for RPG

Quake Alert Update!

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UPDATE — IMPORTANT REQUEST

The article below describes the ShakeAlert earthquake warning system that will be activated in Oregon on March 11.  It also mentions that some cell phones will be able to receive the warning signals, and that there are apps that can be downloaded for the other cellphones.

We want to encourage any interested residents to try out the system and/or apps, and report on their experiences.  We will summarize the reports and publish an article in the next issue, it hope of making it easier for people to take advantage of the potential warnings.

If someone is willing to take this on as a project, we would be delighted to have a completed article submitted, but we will assemble individual reports or conduct interviews as needed.

If you will definitely try the experiment, please let us know in advance: email  openinforvm@gmail.com

 

THIRTY SECONDS

You have 30 seconds.  What can you do?

Driving?  You could pull off the road, stop, and set the brake.

At home?  You could walk across the room, get down on the floor, and crawl under the table.

Why those things?  Because you know an earthquake is about to hit.  How can you know that?

As of 10 a.m. on March 11, 2021, Oregon will be part of the ShakeAlert system (https://www.shakealert.org/).  This is a warning system designed to give vitally important warnings shortly (less than a minute) before serious earthquake damage occurs.  In a Zoom presentation on February 10, Eric Dittmer (SOU Professor emeritus, who gave an earthquake preparedness lecture at RVM in October 2020) and Terri Stewart (Coordinator for Ashland CERT – Community Emergency Response Team) provided information on the ShakeAlert rollout.

A few tens of seconds before the dangerous shaking starts is time for a lot of important things to happen if governments and organizations are properly equipped.  The signals can be used to automatically activate warnings and protective measures.  Firehouse doors open before the power goes off.  Locations with water storage, like RVM, can be fitted with electrically operated valves that close to prevent water loss from broken pipes. Elevators can stop at the nearest floor and open the doors.

Individuals can have access to those signals too  — signals can be received by some cellphones now, and there is an existing app – QuakealertUSA.  Capabilities and apps are expected to increase in the future. In response to questions following the presentation, Eric Dittmer said  “I think newer Androids will automatically receive alerts after March 11.  All phones will receive QuakeAlertUSA  — if you sign up (URLs at end of article).  Apple is negotiating with USGS to incorporate ShakeAlert function in new designs.”

The figure below illustrates the basic operation of ShakeAlert

 

How does it work?  Very quickly!  When a fault ruptures, the released energy travels away from the source in two different ways.  One is a p (pressure) wave, that travels through the earth as a fairly gentle ripple.  It travels slightly faster, but does much less damage, than the s (shear) wave that follows.  Both are much slower than the speed of radio waves or electrical signals.

This means that if you detect the p-wave motion of an earthquake and very quickly radio a warning to a friend farther away, your friend will have a small but important amount of time to take action have.  That’s what ShakeAlert does in an automatic, technically sophisticated way. A network of sensitive detectors detects ground motion and instantly broadcasts warning signals.

In addition to the ShakeAlert website (https://www.shakealert.org/), other information resources include:

QuakeAlertUSA Android:; https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.ewl.quakealert&hl=en_US&gl=US

QuakeAlertUSA Apple:  https://apps.apple.com/us/app/quakealertusa/id961670831

5 minute video describing ShakeAlert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WWl3m4OyU44

Toast, tsunamis and the really big one — TedTalk, Dr Chris Goldfinger, OSU — nontechnical, informal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iy5a2P3zXl4 (14 minutes)

“3 types of Earthquakes” (in the Pacific NW)  https://youtu.be/_belQwGNolY  educational/technical video (8 minutes)

What’s New — February

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NEWS & VIEWS

Residents Council Meeting Zoom Discussion, by Bob Buddemeier & Joni Johnson 

Historians: Telling the Story of RVM, by Connie Kent, Joni Johnson, Daphne Fautin & Bob Buddemeier

Instacart — Better than Sliced Bread?  (Part 1), by Joni Johnson

Help Wanted:  Volunteer Opportunities Await! 

in Comments, Letters, and Notices

Read this if you donate to the Employee Thank you Fund via US Bank

         in Big, Borrowed, or Both

3550:  the Portland Mirabella quarterly magazine (most recent issue)

Mirabella Monthly, Newsletter of the Seattle Mirabella (most recent issue)

ARTS & INFO 

‘Ua (Rain), by Tom Conger  

Nit Wit Newz, by A. Loony

Here, Kitschy Kitschy, photos by Reina Lopez 

Inaugural Poem, by Amanda Gorman (external selection)

RVM Feb/Mar Event & Entertainment Schedule

in Books & Authors

February Book Display, RVM Library

(plus six reviews from previous issues)

PREPARE

Who Am I:  Emergency ID and info — by Bob Buddemeier 

       in Tips, Tricks, Hacks, and Hints

Emergency and Medical Information on Your Cell Phone

 

The Manor Mart is Open!

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by Connie Kent

The Manor Mart is now open for business on the lower level of the Terrace building, across from the Clinic, where the Pharmacy used to be. It serves RVM residents and employees between 10 am and 3 pm Monday through Friday. I visited there with Reina Lopez, ace photographer, first thing Monday morning.

Alicia Aldrich, Manor Mart

photo by Reina Lopez

Alicia Aldrich, the manager, reports that business has been slow but steady since the Mart opened a week ago. Her boss is Cynde Maurer, Resident Services Director. The operation is cash free; residents can put charges on their account or pay by check. Employees use payroll deduction. We asked about who makes stocking decisions. Her reply: you do. On the counter, she has a suggestion box for residents and staff to submit suggestions or requests. Residents can even put in special orders.

Here are some of the things for sale:

  • Snacks: candy, cookies, granola bars, and microwave popcorn.
  • Paper products: toilet paper (single rolls tied up with ribbon as well as multi-roll packages), paper towels, Kleenex, stationery, greeting cards, postcards, and books of crossword puzzles
  • Bouquets of flowers
  • Batteries for hearing aids
  • Readers
  • Toiletries: toothpaste, shampoo, deodorant, shaving cream and Q-tips
  • Cat food
  • People food: dry cereal, bread, soup, canned fruit and coffee packets. A cold case with sodas, yogurt, cottage cheese, water, and milk (no beer, though)

On shelves along one wall are small gift items from the Annex: knickknacks, figurines, small clocks and such. We asked about a whole stretch of empty shelving adjacent to the counter. It’s for over-the-counter medications (Tylenol, allergy meds and the like) and vitamins, for which licensing is pending.

We wondered if the Manor Mart would be a good place for residents to sell their crafts. Alicia said she’d check with Cyndee.

Currently, shoppers are limited to five at a time, wearing masks. During the fifteen minutes we were there, three employees and two residents came in and made purchases. Plan to check it out soon.

Here is one resident’s report after visiting the Mart:

Back when the Manor Pharmacy existed, I remember going in, looking at a gallon of distilled water (which I use to humidify my BIPAP air stream) and thinking “I can get that cheaper at Freddie’s.”  True, but largely irrelevant — the fraction of a dollar saved was paid for with a 4-mile car round trip, a limping walk back and forth across the parking lot, and negotiating Freddie’s extensive aisles, with their probably disease-laden shoppers.  Not only was the saving not worth it, but it also deprived our store of income it needed to stay in business.

The Manor Mart comes close to being a necessity for some of our residents and can be a convenience for all of us.  We need it, we want it, and we should be smart enough to support it by using it when we can.

The “Design-a-Kit” Game

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Bob says:  Let’s play the “Design a Coordinator Kit” game!

You are a coordinator.  Something really bad happens.  Due to your high level of preparedness, you survive.  You get up, dust yourself off, put the dog in its crate, and prepare to go check on your neighbors.  What do you want to have with you, and how will you take it?

Below is Bob’s list.  The goal of the game is to do better than Bob – figure out what he forgot or got wrong, or get more specific about the what, why and how of his generalities.  Enter your responses, comments, and questions in the Leave a Reply form at the bottom of the page, or if you have a long list or discussion, email it to buddrw2@gmail.com.

Rules:  The final assembly should be such that its weight or bulk does not interfere with your ability to use both hands to lift or carry things or people, climb over minor obstacles, or walk quickly (maybe even run a little).

Comments:

Most of the items are things that a well-prepared person will have anyway; it’s just a matter of repackaging to make the emergency kit a subcomponent of the go-bag.

Also, most of the items are fairly cheap – dollars to a few tens of dollars.

Part of the game is identifying important things that are so specialized or so expensive that RVM/RPG needs to supply them.

THE LIST:

Assumption:  You will find clothing, headgear, and footwear appropriate to the task, and that you will be wearing your emergency radio on its belt clip (it can be added to the kit if preferred).

A container.  You will have pockets, but you won’t know what pants you will be wearing (or can find) when it hits the fan.

The container needs to be appropriately sized (large enough but not much larger), secure but accessible (zipper or Velcro closures), and convenient to carry.  Back packs are tedious to get on and off and you can’t get into one without taking it off.  A shoulder bag (cross-chest carry) or belt/fanny pack is probably best.  Many of the packs offered in on-line catalogs specify that they can be used for either waist or shoulder carry.  Water resistance is highly desirable.

The contents:

  1. Light – a compact, full-function flashlight with a wrist lanyard, and/or a headlamp (Bob recommends “and”). See Light and Electricity for information and advice on selection.
  2. Work gloves. Not garden gloves, not surgical gloves (which may be in the first aid kit), but gloves to wear when you are handling broken glass in a hurry.  They might be attached securely to the outside of the pack or your belt.
  3. A whistle.
  4. Message material – a marking pen (for writing on doors and people), and a soft-lead pencil and paper (preferably waterproof!) for sending or leaving notes. [Work is currently in progress on devising report forms. Feel free to comment on that but assume you will need to provide for yourself.]
  5. Tape – a small roll of duct (not duck) or Gorilla tape. (first aid kit may contain another type).
  6. Tool(s) – A good muiltifunction tool is desirable – Leatherman and Victorinox (Swiss Army) have extensive offerings, but there are a lot of clones and rip-offs. For light/medium duty, Bob likes the Swiss Army Climber or Explorer models, but some of the Leathermen have pliers and wirecutters.  Scissors are desirable; if the multifunction tool doesn’t have them, the first aid kit should.
  7.  Optional but desirable for neighborhood coordinators: Emergency blankets (aluminized mylar) and ultra-lightweight plastic ponchos come in very light and compact packs.  Important in winter.  In summer, a bottle of water is less convenient, but potentially important.  Some packs have external pockets to hold bottles.

That First Aid Issue – kits can bulk up quickly and may require training to use.  Plus: (1) the coordinator’s job is to cover the neighborhood/floor and report on overall needs as well as individual problems, which means not stopping to deal with every injury.  However: (2) in the case of a life-threatening injury that can be treated, it is unconscionable not to take action.

Therefore, discussion is focused on “Stop the Bleed” supplies and training, which the RPG medical team (and presumably RVM) is reviewing.  Once restrictions are lifted we expect to arrange for training; in the meantime, there are a number of videos on You-Tube that address the subject.

Further information will be forthcoming; suggestions (consistent with the Rules above) are very welcome.

Ready, Set, Go!  Game on!

Do Cats Grieve?

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                                                 Daphne and the cats

By Bob Buddemeier

My wife, Daphne Fautin, exercised the Death with Dignity option on March 12.  I have written about the human aspects of the process, but humans aren’t the only creatures in our lives or our household

Before

Why cats? Well, they’re family.  Frank, the compulsively friendly Siamese and Kip, the neurotic but amusing Tabby, had been with us since somebody dumped them at our house in rural Kansas in 2013.  We named Frank after Sinatra with his blue-blue eyes.  And Kip was named from Yom Kippur, the holiday we were celebrating when they arrived at our doorstep.

Frank and Daphne

Going beyond that, when you start trying to look Death in the eye, I think it makes you more appreciative of all forms of life, not just your own.  Frank was especially close to Daphne – both in terms of bonding and physically.  They spent many hours together on the couch, with Frank napping up against her leg while she read or did crosswords

As her time dwindled down, one of her most frequently expressed regrets was her inability to explain to the cats what was going on.  Other cat people at RVM (there are many) would say “Oh, they know.”   I have to agree, professional skepticism notwithstanding.

                                    Kip

As time went on, Kip, although a stand-offish cat for 7 years, started sleeping on the bed –even when Daphne took a nap there in the afternoon. Then in the last month, she would get up on the edge of the bed in the evening when Daphne was lying on her back reading.  Kip would put her forepaws and chin on Daphne’s ribcage or belly, and sit propped against her until the lights went out.

At about the same time Frank (always friendly anyway) adopted a new behavior – he would get onto Daphne’s lap, press tight against her chest, and push his head up under her chin.  About as close to a hug as you can get when you have short forelegs.

Neither behavior was seen before that, or with anybody else.  Do they smell leukemia?  Is there some “it’s almost over” cue in body language?  Nothing is certain, but if I had to bet, I’d say that some kind of recognition was going on in their little kitty minds.

After

Daphne died on a Friday; the atending relatives left on Monday.  That morning: Kip didn’t put in an appearance until 11 a.m., and when she did, she was almost completely silent. Both behaviors are very atypical.  Frank got up 6:30-ish and went out on his leash – but only for a very short period. When he came in, he went to sleep on the couch for the rest of the morning.  Also very atypical. Visitor fatigue?  Grief? The answer probably depends on how much of a cat person you are.  The next week cements it in my mind – definitely grief. If a cat can be said to mope, he mopes – sleeps even more than his usual 16 hrs/day, doesn’t claw or climb his cat tree, lies on the floor (instead of on elevated surfaces), responds to but doesn’t solicit petting.

Kip comes back into a more normal mode after a few days, but it’s almost 10 days after Daphne’s death before Frank starts to play with things, rub against legs, and sneak out w/o leash to find his neighborhood buddies who dispense belly rubs.  I continue to try to remember that I need to seek him out and give attention.  He’s a little like Daphne – I’m supposed to know when I should pay attention and not wait for invitations.  A totemic animal — I’ve apparently been married to a member of the Cat Clan for 34 years.

Neither of the cats has ever demonstrated again the behaviors that they consistently showed with Daphne in the interval just before she died.

I put the attractive little chest containing Daphne’s ashes near one of Frank’s favorite napping spots.  Rank superstition?  Positioning the unrecognizable remains of a dead person and an animal as if it would make a difference to either?  Well, so what.  It felt right so I did it.  I spend enough time thinking.