Digital Currency Firm Eyes Manor Retail Location

NIT WIT NEWZ

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news service designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling and superficial event that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.)

DIGITAL CURRENCY FIRM EYES MANOR RETAIL LOCATION

Volatile cryptocurrency firm, Bitcoin, rumored to be negotiating with RVM officials for vacated U.S. Bank space in Manor.  Reportedly seeking site close to a large senior community.

Company officials suggest digital-currency provides needed balance to resident portfolios that are likely over- weighted with safe, dependable, well performing investments while ignoring risky, adventurous financial vehicles such as Bitcoin.

Bitcoin management further claims that their presence at Manor would attract other exciting, high-flying firms (e.g., GameStop, Robinhood) to ground-floor Manor location creating—along with existing offices of  CPA and Financial Planning firms—a convenient, full-service, financial services center for residents (absent only —a bank).

Financial center “master plan”, according to Bitcoin executives, would necessitate reconfiguration of existing Manor office space. Propose combining men’s Haberdashery shop and women’s Boutique into one, gender-neutral, unisex clothing store.

Negotiations, however, have turned negative.  RVM management skeptical.  Fear presence of Bitcoin office on campus could well jeopardize financial security of residents.   Moreover, Manor operatives uncover a heretofore undisclosed agenda for cryptocurrency firm’s acute interest in U.S. Bank’s former retail space—In the event of sudden, severe financial market reversals, no hasty, untoward incidents could occur from first floor, windowless location.

Bitcoin’s last ditch effort to sway Manor officials—for each Bitcoin purchase, Manor residents would receive the widely coveted gift of a My Pillow—fails to win over RVM management.

Breaking news:  Negotiations have collapsed.

—A. Looney