Author- or editor-designated target section
Soothe Your Inner Gerbil
by Bob Buddemeier
Reader beware! The author has no formal credentials in the fields of psychology, physiology, or life management, but decades of personal experience with confusion, indecisiveness, procrastination and wide-ranging dysfunction have convinced him that he is qualified to experiment and advise on those subjects. Use at your own risk!
Do you ever feel like your brain consists of a multitude of gerbils, all running at top speed on their exercise wheels with no net progress whatsoever? I do, and after protracted research and reflection I have come to understand why, and what to do about it. And I am going to share that with you.
calm but alert gerbil
The secret: If it acts like a gerbil, treat it like a gerbil! Unfortunately, the rodent model of human cognition has received far too little popular attention. Herewith, a brief description to facilitate effective interactions.
First, forget about the scientific jargon involving neurons, synapses, etc. Your nervous system is a nation of teeny tiny gerbils, organized into interconnected communities according to their occupational specialties. When the system is well-supported and operating smoothly, it produces a high GEP (Gerbil Economic Product) for export to you.
There are Collector Gerbils who receive and import resources from the Outside (e.g, sounds, sights, smells, etc.) and transform them into what we can think of as kibble. A wide range of kibble of different shapes, sizes, colors, tastes, and digestibility. These they pass on to the Sorter Gerbils.
Sorters have limited autonomy; they can pass certain kinds of kibble directly to the appropriate specialists, but mostly they are guided by the decisions of a committee of Silverback Gerbils, who oversee the distribution of inputs in order to maintain the GEP.
Team Gerbil, ready for project
Usually things work smoothly, but sometimes the input causes the Collectors to produce an imbalance of kibble types, including too much poorly digestible kibble that takes a long time to process. Then the Sorters are passing too many bits to the Emergency Response Gerbils, and becoming frustrated by the overload and unbalanced inventory.
The Silverbacks, faced with multiple unaccustomed problems, fall to arguing among themselves and fail to instruct the sorters. As a result, the communities receive a downpour of poorly sorted kibble that overwhelms their infrastructure and does not provide the necessary resources. The communities of Producer Gerbils fragment within, and try to raid other communities for the necessary resources. Order breaks down, and GAF (Gerbil Adrenaline Flow) spikes – sometimes dangerously. This condition is known as Non-Selective Overload (NSO).
What then? Every gerbil has access to an exercise wheel, individual or communal. Under normal conditions an appropriate amount
Stressed gerbil working out
of well-timed exercise keeps the individual and community functioning. When overload builds up, the gerbils instinctively try to burn up their GAF by exercising harder and longer on the wheel, sometimes skipping work to do so. Productivity goes down.
When full-blown NSO is occurring, the gerbils become almost demonically hyperactive; they leap on their wheels and dash frenziedly “forward” in a glazed-eye, mouth-foaming sprint. Both gerbils and wheels squeak and chatter loudly, and of course GEP plummets. You can’t help but notice this – often acutely.
Ultimate Overload
Dealing with NSO – the solution to the problem of getting your gerbils back to work is, somewhat counterintuitively, a different kind of overload. Ultra-Selective Overload (USO) is a technique for replacing the distractingly diverse and unbalanced input of NSO with a surfeit of a very few kinds of attractive and enjoyable input. The gerbils are made happy by what they get, realize that production is impossible, and subside into mellow passivity. GEP remains very low, but it is essential to recognize this as a necessary period of recovery that will result in a quicker return to normal behavior.
Providing Ultra-Selective Overload: Control of the material that the Collector Gerbils can access is one of the most effective means of getting to USO. One possibility is total shutdown – essentially, starving the communities into submission. Unfortunately, the starting point almost always involves large existing stocks of poorly digestible kibble that keep the communities operating poorly and unhappily.
Recovering gerbil
So — and here comes the advice – we need to pick out a few Collectors and feed them input that will produce lots of kibble with pleasantly hypnotic qualities. It has to be sustainable; the gerbils do not calm down and get off their wheels immediately — they need to be coaxed into resting mode over time. Taste, smell and touch are hard to sustain; sight and sound are the obvious choices for kibble raw material in our era of technologically augmented input.
HOW TO: Let’s acknowledge that natural may be best – although peripheral inputs may distract, real-world floating clouds, fluttering leaves, and flowing water can do the job. But that means you have to find a desirable environment where you can hang out any time, and more or less indefinitely. Realistically, you may need to soothe your gerbils at night, or in bad weather, or in the middle of a city. Then —
Completely soothed gerbils
We use our smart TV, computer, or maybe cell phone (but screen and speakers are pretty small). Some of the things that my gerbils respond to can be seen or downloaded by clicking on https://thecomplement.info/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/Soothing-methods.pdf. Yours may be different, but there are many sources offering various alternatives. For simplicity, my examples are accessible on Youtube, which can be accessed free from any computer/phone browser with an internet connection, and from most if not all smart TVs.
So check them out. Get a feeling for what might work before the furry little rascals slide all the way into anarchy. Once you have taken the initial steps into gerbil control, you will find that you are better positioned to start adjusting the community diet as soon as the first few wheels start squeaking. Remember, if you look after your Inner Gerbils, they will look after you.
The Wager — Book Review
The Wager: A Tale of Shipwreck, Mutiny, and Murder, by David Grann
Book Review by Anne Newins
Anne Newins
It has been a while since I have wanted to submit a rave review, but The Wager meets that standard. Numerous other publications, such as the New York Times (“disturbing and riveting”) and Washington Post (“a maestro in his ability”) are praising the book, but I wanted to put in a plug in The Complement because the RVM library recently acquired a copy. Sadly, some of our best non-fiction has relatively little circulation. In comparison, the Jackson County library system has over 150 people requesting the book in each its various modalities, so odds are a Manor resident could obtain our copy more quickly.
A few resident history buffs may remember the War of Jenkins’s
Ear, a conflict between Spain and Britain that lasted from 1739 to 1748, and which was largely unsuccessful on Britain’s part. As part of this dispute, the warship Wager, along with a number of other ships, was dispatched in 1740 from England to South America. Supposedly the fleet was to defend the British Empire, but it was an attempt to plunder Spanish galleons for treasure. It was an abysmal failure, with thousands of lives lost.
Never in top condition, The Wager lost sight of the other ships after trying to circumnavigate Cape Horn and then wrecked on a barren island off Patagonia. By this time, the crew had experienced many deaths from a typhus outbreak as well as scurvy. The toothless, battered, and diseased crew established themselves in ramshackle settlements on the island, now named after the Wager. Starving and despairing, the castaways broke into wrangling, and eventually violent, subgroups.
Although many characters are detailed, the three described in most depth are Captain Cheap, Gunner Bulkeley, and Midshipman Byron, an ancestor of the famous poet. Cheap’s rigidity alienates the crew and consequently Bulkeley gathers adherents. After months of appalling conditions, a ship of sorts is built in an effort to reach Brazil. Bulkeley and others declare mutiny and then, astonishingly, succeed making an eastward circuit. Thirty survivors wash up on coastal Brazil. Cheap, who refused to leave, remained on the island with a handful of others, still determined to sail northward. These efforts were unsuccessful, but they eventually were rescued by native people and taken to a Spanish-occupied town in Chile.
By 1746, the few remaining survivors made it back to England and the final drama of the book begins: how should Bulkeley and his followers be tried for mutiny? By then an assortment of books, including Bulkeley’s ship’s log, had been published, along with much misinformation. No spoiler alerts from me!
Grann’s writing is detailed, but engrossing. He has meticulously researched not only the history of this expedition, but vividly describes shipbuilding during the 18th century, life on board, the political context, and the obstacles to sailing in the southern seas. The Guardian describes the book well: “…the beauty of The Wager unfurls like a great sail. Grann’s book is not about romance but truth and he has prepared the reader…His literary references suddenly come into focus and lift the book to become something greater than an adventure tale.”
What’s New? (Language-wise)
Neologisms
by Bob Buddemeier
Everybody has opinions about language. If the following material does not render you glassy-eyed and drooling, you will have an opportunity tell us about yours.
Our Chief Word Nerd ran away to Hawaii this month and may not be back in the harness by deadline time – so it falls to me to provide you with TMNPLI = Too Much Nit-Picking Linguistic Information, this time about Neologisms. Definition (found by Google):
“A neologism is a newly created word or expression that is not part of our official language system. Neologisms are also existing words or phrases that have gained a new meaning. Some Common Neologisms are App, Webinar, Staycation, Wicked, Sick, Google, Spam, Noob, BFF, Floss, Social Gifting, Chillax and Frinally.”
The examples given are various forms, including abbreviations or acronyms (App, BFF)1, and redefined real words (wicked, sick, floss). The invented words can be broken into categories: (1) Combined words that have a semi-obvious literal meaning – Webinar, Staycation; (2) Words that sound and are spelled like real words – Google (think goo, ogle, giggle, gaggle), Spam (we already have spar, spat, span), maybe Frinally; (3) Pronounceable formulations that resemble nothing much else in English (Noob, Chillax2).
There is another category that deserves our attention – English word stems that have been restructured for convenience or to conform to some (other) grammatical or linguistic model, or for ease of use. These tend to enrage purists and engage utilitarians.
Prime example: ORIENTATE, which is back-derived from ORIENTATION, which is a legitimate offspring of ORIENT (v.t., align or direct).
[In case you haven’t guessed, dear reader, the author is enraged by this class of agrammatical neobarbarisms.]
What’s wrong with the original more concise verb, “orient”? The only thing I can think of is that if you capitalize it you get a noun that designates a geographic region, but I doubt that the process of orienting a person would be mistaken for sending Him/Her/Them/It to Asia, or for turning HHTI (instant neologism) into an Asian. After all, we don’t invent another word for polish just because there is a country containing Poles.
When we impose an obligation we are not obligatating HHTI; they are obliged or obligated; when we write an equation we do not “equatate” two things. This probably reflects the fact that some verbs start out ending in “-ate,” while “-ation” is often adopted as a suffix to create a noun that doesn’t have a commonly used (or any) verb. For example, accreditation.
Although, in the orientation example, adding two syllables and then removing one to get to the same meaning where you started doesn’t seem very useful, there are some cases where noun (participle) to verb conversions make sense. The Russia-Ukraine war has brought a focus on attrition3, which is a word that slid into English from Latin unaccompanied by a relevant verb. Attrit is an unlovely and alien-sounding word, but I have to admit it is a lot more efficient to use than “inflict attrition upon” or similar circumlocutions.
If you made it this far your literary juices should be at least up to a simmer, so go to the Reply section and enter your most loved or hated neologisms (specify which). Or even those that you just don’t understand. The Editorial Board will award prizes for particularly insightful selections.
Footnotes (how else would you know this is a serious exposition?)
1Personal opinion: I think that a neologism should be a pronounceable word, and not just a collection of characters. What is bff supposed to sound like?
2Right, there is a Hyrax, but the name comes from ancient Greek, and if you look up Hydrax you find that it is some sort of video villain (suitably alien).
3Entries linking to attrit
early 15c., attricioun, “a breaking;” 1540s, “abrasion, scraping, the rubbing of one thing against another,” from Latin attritionem (nominative attritio), literally “a rubbing against,” noun of action from past-participle stem of atterere “to wear, rub away,” figuratively “to destroy, waste,” from assimilated form of ad “to” (see ad-) + terere “to rub” (from PIE root *tere- (1) “to rub, turn”).
The earliest sense in English is from Scholastic theology (late 14c.): “sorrow for sin merely out of fear of punishment or a sense of shame,” an imperfect condition, less than contrition or repentance. The sense of “wearing down of military strength” is from World War I (1914). Figurative use of that is by 1930.
Nit Wit Newz — May 2023
(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news service designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, unverified, and trifling events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor)
MAY MADNESS AT MANOR
(Winning Re-Imagined at Manorapolis Speedway)
Several weeks ago, casting about for a full-scale, lollapalooza event for the month of May, RVM Engagement Director, Sarah Karnatz, hit upon an idea. A big idea.
A Memorial Day car racing event.
That’s right, auto racing right here, on our challenging, hilly, serpentine campus streets.
Although not one to be constrained by staging events of modest proportions, prudently, Ms. Karnatz thought it best to avoid, for public safety concerns, the use of NASCAR autos or even conventional road vehicles, for that matter.
The obvious vehicle of choice became clear—golf carts.
Just as Team Karnatz’s golf cart racing plans began to take shape, an obstacle arose.
Manor administrators’ plans called for the installation of a series of traffic-slowing speed humps throughout the campus.
Mildly annoying to regular motorists, speed humps wreak havoc with golf carts moving at normal speeds. At top speeds—peril.
Stunned but not stymied, Team Karnatz was not ready to jettison a Memorial Day golf cart race for an inconsequential matter of a hump or two.
Back to her idea-rich drawing board.
The drawing board delivered:
Welcome to the first annual Rogue Valley Manor “SLO-MO” Golf Cart Classic.
So simple. So elegant.
This race doesn’t go to the swift. In this race, the winner loses! And the very slowest “loser,” wins!
Driving slowly is no easy feat for feet. It requires an achingly delicate foot-touch on the accelerator to maintain a barely-moving vehicle.
The rules are simple:
Should a driver over-compensate their slow crawl and come to a stop, they are disqualified. The golf cart must be moving forward at all times. No stops.
To the cheers of race car fans, the drivers will artfully negotiate those hazardous speed humps, the perilous crawl up the steep Mira Mar incline at agonizingly slow speeds, and, all the while, struggle mightily to finish last in what is sure to be a dazzling race spectacular.
Famed race car driver, Rex Carr, has been named the event’s Grand Marshal. Carr will—in the traditional pace-car lap—lead the anticipated field of 12-15 golf carts manned and (new word alert!) womaned by RVM residents.
Driving his classic 1986 stretch Yugo, Carr, despite his “pedal-to-the-metal” reputation, has assured Manor officials, that his pace car posed no threat to exceed the campus’s 15 mph speed limit (Note: Yugo’s modest acceleration capacity falls well short of campus strictures).
Mark your calendar for Monday, May 29. Come out and root for your favorite driver. She, or he, may be the big loser as they inch their last-place golf cart across the finish line and cruise into the winner’s circle.
More drama ensues. Manor Executive Director, Dave Keaton, will place a garland of our cutting garden’s “very best” around the jubilant winners neck while the camera shutters of Yates, Bjorkholm and Mumby flutter to capture the winner’s kiss on the golden “Dawdling Turtle” trophy bearing the inscription:
“To the Fleet Goes Defeat”
See you on the 29th at the Rogue Valley Manor Memorial Day SLO-MO Racing Classic.
(Another Karnatz Production Extravaganza).
—A. Looney