SLOtter

by D Mented

A magical new piece of software has inundated the RVM campus this past year. It’s called Otter. Imagine being in a meeting where the “pen and paper” recorder has been supplanted by this program. Not only does Otter make an audio recording of a meeting, it also provides a full transcript of the proceedings then caps that with a synopsis of the key points and commitments. Heck, with just a little extra calibrating, it can even associate all of the individual speakers with their comments. Where, one wonders, might it migrate next?

What an interesting question, and where better to contemplate it than in those semi-conscious, wee hour gaps twixt sugarplums and sciatica. And, if you happen to be on post eyelid surgery sedatives, as I was, the bouquet could be even more kaleidoscopic. Capturing those frame by frame snapshots of my overstimulated brain seemed ever so desirable but the pace and cacophony simply prohibited.

But wait. Therein lies the problem, and where there’s a problem, a solution must lurk. And the problem? The jumbled mumble of multiple sleep-deprived narratives – some random, many incoherent, and others – well, others quite brilliant, or seemingly so at the time – could be lost forever, never to be seen by an eagerly awaiting and adoring public.

And in that instant the fusion occurred. For it was precisely how I was then engaged that begged for Otter’s intervention. The next horizon for recording must overreach the verbal and engage the mental – providing both documentation and storage – for these nocturnal gems not to be ravaged by dawn’s early light. No longer will the music of the night be a phantom.

But how? I, a renowned yet self-effacing visionary, remain wholly dependent upon the engineering skill of others. And hence the RVM Technology Select Committee was deployed. With their shitload cornucopia of unparalleled intellect thrown against this goal, a breakthrough was ever in the making. And with much, though frankly still insufficient, fanfare, your resident brain trust ecstatically releases an entirely new product that goes where no Otter has ever gone before – into the sub and semi-conscious recesses of the human mind.

Introducing SLOtter (Sleep Otter) – this mind blowing new product will do just that – it will literally blow gentle breezes through your resting mind collecting, collating, and sorting the jewels from the junk. A three page document resides upon your printer each morning filled with last evening’s cogent insights, clever ideas, and lunch plans for your upcoming day. (Last night sports scores an add-on feature.)  

Now I’m sure many of you are thinking this is just too good to be true, so we cordially invite you to visit your favorite App Store and download SLOtter for yourself. If, for any reason you fail to locate it, you might want to check in the April Fools folder.