NIT WIT NEWZ — October 2024

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, unreliable, on-line news service designed to keep residents abreast of the inconsequential, unverified, and trifling events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor).

RABBIT HOLE STEALTH

(A Fable for our Times)

(Peter Rabbit): Who’s that coming down the chute? Oh, it’s you, Jack

(Jack Rabbit): Hey, Peter, I thought I’d find you here.

(P. R.): Yep, still holed up in Mr. McGregor’s vegetable patch. Best carrots in the Resident’s Garden. Want a stick?

(J.R.): Thanks. Seems to me, you’ve been poaching here in the old man’s plot as long as I can remember.

(P.R.): Yeah, suppose I have.  Can’t get enough of them carrots. So, what’s happening?

(J.R.): Well, I was on my way home passing through the north entrance to the Manor and I see this row of banners—must be twelve or so—hanging from the street-light poles down the middle of the road in front of the golf course.

(P.R.): You mean those little blue and white banners saying “Rogue Valley Manor” with that quail logo on ‘em?

(J.R.): Exactly. They, my friend, spell trouble.

(P.R.): How so?

(J.R.): So this:  Up ‘til now, when you’re coming through that north gate entry you have this gorgeous  panoramic view of the golf course, a vast sweep of our campus’s green lawns bounded by stately trees, a fountain, and sometimes, a flock of grazing geese. All of this, unsullied by anything that hints of commercialism.  It’s a scene that brings me up short no matter how many times I’ve viewed it. It’s a great first impression of Rogue Valley Manor!

(P.R.): Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. It’s quite a sight, alright.

(J.R.): And it’s what makes this place so pristinely beautiful.  This place is commercially, clutter-free.  No longer.  Those blue and white banners work against that natural beauty. It’s just so much unnecessary commercial signage.  Do we need to remind visitors, or ourselves for that matter, that we’re at “Rogue Valley Manor” every 15 yards as you travel through the campus?  Those words “Rogue Valley Manor” are, after all, boldly marked at the entrance. Everyone knows where they are, for gosh sakes.

(P.R.): You are so right. But what bothers me about those banners is that quail logo.  Should have been a rabbit!

(J. R.):  A rabbit?  Peter, what are you talking about?   Years ago, the residents had a vote for an animal to be the Manor logo.  Quail was the clear winner.  If you recall, next came deer, then turkeys, squirrels, and we tied for fifth, for gosh sakes, with voles.

(P.R.): Hmm, I sorta remember something about that.  Vote could’ve been rigged, you know. But to your point, this morning I noticed those same banners were also along Mira Mar, you know that street going up to the main Manor area.  Yep, blue and white signs strung through our quiet, sedate residential neighborhood.  Makes it looks like you’re driving through a new sub-division housing site on a Sunday afternoon.

(J.R.) Yeah, I saw ‘em. Looks a little tacky all right.

(P.R.): Hey Jack, I share your concern, but I never realized your sensibilities were so delicate. You’re pretty upset about this banner stuff, aren’t you?

(J.R.): Well, I guess I am, but to be honest, there’s something else bothering me about those dang things—it’s what they could do to us.

(P.R.): Us? How so?

(J.R.): Look, you, me and our pals, Br’er, Roger, Hopalong and Thumper, have this 600-acre playground pretty much to ourselves that is, as far as rabbits are concerned. And, of course, that includes your honey, Bunny, her girl friends Flopsy, Mopsy, and what?—a half dozen or so other sweeties. You could call this a dream spot for us.

(P.R.): Yeah, life is good! But what’s that got to do with those banners we’ve been talking about?

(J.R.): Just this: Once these promotion guys start promoting they don’t stop. Those banners soon beget flags, flags beget balloons, balloons beget billboards and…

(P.R.): Yeah, we rabbits know how that begettin’ thing works.

(J.R.): I should say. But with a lot of promotional hoopla going on up here, sooner or later some wandering hare down the hill will get wind of our cozy safe haven and before you know it, we’ll have every jack rabbit in Medford over-running this place. Our place.

(P.R.): Hmm, I see where you’re going. But what can we do about it?

(J.R.): Plenty. I didn’t come here to just share one of McGregor’s carrot sticks with you.  Listen Peter, does your honey, Bunny, still hang out in that warren next to the Nit Wit Newz Tower?

(P.R.): Sure does.

(J.R.): And she’s pretty tight with those Nit Wit Newz staffers, right?

(P.R.): Yeah, she loves them and they love her.

(J. R.): And she’s gaga over you, correct?

(P.R.):  Go on.

(J..R.): If Bunny could get those Nit Wit Newz staffers to run an article on those unsightly banners and how they’re defacing the beauty of our community, it’ll go a long way to convincing the residents that they are not adding to the beauty of Rogue Valley Manor.

Peter, can you get Bunny to help us out?

(P.R.): Not a problem. Rest easy, old friend. I’m on it.

(J.R.): Bravo, Peter! I knew I could count on you, old buddy. Well, I guess my work here is done.

(P.R.): So it is, so it is. Grab another carrot stick, Jack, and hop along home.  I’ve got a job to do.

—————–

And so, dear readers, it came to pass.  Jack’s wish was fulfilled. It found its way into print.

—A. Looney