NIT WIT NEWZ — February 2023

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling, and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.)

NIT WIT NEWZ’ LAUNCH OF SWIMSUIT ISSUE AXED

Negotiations for joint promotion with Manor water volleyball team collapse, reports NWN’s Water Sports journalist, Phil dePoole.  The widely anticipated April issue of Nit Wit Newz was to feature latest 2023 senior men and women’s stylish, swimwear fashions modeled by volleyball team members.

Revelation of “meager” NWN modeling fees rankle aquatic squad.  Team backs out of promotional effort.  Alternative plan developed. New promotional plan excludes Nit Wit Newz (Editorial Board irked).

Swim team producing a 2023 “Co-ed Swim Suit Calendar.”  Different team member to be featured each month in latest swimwear styles.  Competition intense among team members for twelve monthly photo slots since team membership totals over two dozen players.  Bruised feelings likely.  Independent judging sought.  RVM residents, administration, and staff demur from hyper-sensitive task of selecting twelve finalists.  Off-campus search for impartial (and impervious) judges proceeding apace.

Water sport members expect calendar sales to generate substantial revenue.  Proceeds to underwrite installation of bleachers in Manor aquatic center.  Seating needed to accommodate burgeoning fan interest in exciting water volleyball matches.  Admission fees promised to be modest.  Net Wit Newz charges aquatic group with “Crass monetizing of sport.”  Members shrug off criticism as “disgruntled grousing.”

Campus Manor Mart store to be sole retailer of swimsuit calendar. RVM retailer currently accepting pre-publication orders for this coveted “collector’s item.”

As water volleyball fever sweeps campus, anticipation that calendar sales may go viral swells. Forward thinking Manor Mart retailer ordering “RVM WATER V-BALL TEAM” imprinted merchandise on caps, t-shirts, and hoodies.

Don’t be left out, pre-order your V-ball gear with your calendar, today.

—A. Looney