NIT WIT NEWZ — October 2022

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling, and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives at Rogue Valley Manor.)

BITTER RIFT SPLITS MANOR BRASS
AND WELLNESS CLASS MEMBERS

March:  Manor’s fave dance instructor, lithe, lovable Jeanette Bournival  (J. Bo’) forms rain dance class.

Class purpose: Raise lagging area rainfall measurements to traditional levels. At the same time, promote improved cardio-vascular health among residents through practice of ancient and vigorous Native American incantation rites.

Class yields immediate results. Credited by many for delivering unusual spate of late April- May showers last spring. Brought 2021-22 season rainfall totals to near normal levels. Participants began to report improved heart rates, lower blood pressure, increased energy, weight loss, sounder sleep, and decreased irritability.

News provokes growth of dance class size. By end of June, reaches over fifty members.

Early July:  Despite unqualified success, Manor authorities cancel class.

Class members shocked. Demand explanation. Demand resumption of class.

Authorities cite freak July 2 evening deluge dropping of unprecedented five inches of rain (as measured by Saul K’s reliable Peartree Lane gauge) in matter of hours.

Inexplicable storm.  Was RVM specific. Oddly, same storm delivered less than an inch of rain at nearby Medford airport.

Damage to campus widespread: garages flooded, skylights leaked, streets mud-filled, landscapes lashed.

Probe by authorities turns up possible causal activity.

Wellness department records reveal July 2 afternoon meeting of J. Bo’s rain dance class on lawn bowling green adjacent to gym. Unexpectedly joined by six-piece steel drum band.  Presence of steel drum ensemble heightened intensity of ritual dance. Frenzied levels reached among fevered, chanting, foot-thumping, rain-beseeching seniors. Regular 45-minute class stretched into three-hour mania dance. Exhaustion sets in. Session ends.

Four hours later, fury of aforementioned tempest unleashed on RVM.

Suspicious link between devastating storm and high-octane campus dance session earlier in same day gives pause to authorities—coincidence, or cause-and-effect?

Decide on caution. Class temporarily halted in July. Final decision on future of class to be reached at start of new rainfall season, October 1.

Intense lobbying of authorities begins.  J.Bo’ and her not-so merry band of drought busters seek class resumption.  Nothing less.

Claim class continuation of rain dance activities promotes plentiful season of precipitation. No need to face another year of watching agonizingly slow trickle of rain drop into Peartree Lane gauge as parched-earth drought drags on.  Class offered bountiful side benefits:  improved resident physical well-being, healthful bonhomie bonds among participating dancers.

Authorities unpersuaded.

Late September:  Tensions tighten. Clock ticking. New rainfall seasons upon us.

Loggerheaded issue headed to Special Master Judge for mandatory arbitration.

Both sides fear outside source decision.

Rain dance group floats eleventh-hour compromise:

– No dance session to exceed forty-five minutes.

– No steel drum band.

Manor authorities relent. Parties ink pact. Class to resume.

Harmony returns to campus.

First class: Sunday, twelve noon at lawn-bowling green stomping grounds.

J, Bo’ to dancers: “Bring your galoshes!”

—A.Looney