NIT WIT NEWZ — July 2022

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling, and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.) 

ARDENT ARDOR FOR ARDEN

   (AMONG ALMOST ALL) 

Two and a half years of eating dinner out of a doorstep-dropped brown paper bag was quite enough for most Rogue Valley Manor residents.

By spring, a moldering Riverside Avenue food truck would have been swarmed with unbridled delight had it chugged up to our hilltop campus.

To the surprise of nay-sayers, boo birds, and negative Nicks and Nellies, on the last day of May, Manorites were overjoyed to be introduced to the quiet elegance of—Arden.

To claim that Arden became, over-night, the finest restaurant in Medford would be to damn our new restaurant with the faintest of praise. Our local restaurant scene, after all, could well be the fast-food capital of the nation dominated by Burger Kings, Dairy Queens, Taco Bells, Del Tacos, Jacks, In and Out, of the Box and more outlets of that ilk than you can shake a plastic fork at.

To be sure, Arden has had its wrinkles—short staffing being the most nettlesome.  But on balance, there is much to admire, be it the food, the décor, or the ambiance. All of which has been duly noted in and around the halls and walls of RVM.  Hosannas for Arden abound.

Nonetheless, it has been Nit Wit Newz’s mission to give voice to the disenfranchised, the neglected, and the aggrieved among us here at the Manor.  Consequently, NWN feels compelled to present the remarks of the troubled few who have found aspects of Arden that have fallen short of their expectations

–Resident Dee Manding has concerns about the new table linens at Arden.  She claims their thread-count falls below levels established for those high-rated, three-star Michelin restaurants she’d like to be used to.  Like the Arden, Nit Wit Newz’s world headquarters here in Medford is laboring under a severe staff shortage of its own. Nevertheless, as a service to Ms. Manding, NWN has managed to assemble from its research department a Thread-Counting Committee to determine if Arden’s linens are, indeed, on the flimsy side. Thread counting is no easy task. The committee’s report is expected no sooner than late fall.

–Several  Manorites have registered concerns about the Arden’s dress code. The stated guideline of “Business Casual” could prove befuddling for residents that were, say, lifeguards or lingerie models. More helpful are the specific “don’ts”: “No shorts, no work-style jeans, no sweatshirts, no baseball caps, no soiled or ripped clothing.” If your wardrobe is pretty well built around these standard wearables, fret not. A heightened dining experience still awaits you at either the Manor Dining Room, the Bistro, and, upon its re-opening, the Rogue. All will warmly greet you in that Nehru jacket, your pressed pair of bib overalls, or your mid-riff blouse outfit with the lava rock necklace and fuchsia flip flops.

–Manor carpeting always seems to be a flash point of controversy at RVM.  No surprise, the Arden floor covering has provoked the expected squabbles. Many, it must be said, are pleased with the muted tone and texture of the selected fabric. One vocal opposition group of women, however, have found the sculptured patches of raised fabric woven throughout the new floor covering dangerously difficult to negotiate. Reluctantly, they’ve been forced to abandon their stylish, stiletto-heeled footwear when visiting the Arden, for a more sensible, that is, down-to-earth pump. Yet another group of dissident residents had hoped that the Jackson Pollack-inspired “splash-paint” motif of the carpets selected for the Manor lobby would be carried forward to our new restaurant.  No luck. Mutterings linger.

Yes, among near one-thousand residents, rifts occur on most any issue. But whatever community disharmony may exist regarding our new eatery, all Manorites will be justly proud to learn that our restaurant will be featured on the cover of the August issue of Better Homes and Ardens magazine.  Here’s an excerpt of what the magazine’s food critic has to say about Arden:

Medford’s hilltop senior community, Rogue Valley Manor, has recaptured the primeval wonder of our ancient past. Harkening back to the very first dining-out experience, their beautiful new restaurant—you could call it the Arden of Eatin,’— includes an abundance of sinful temptations (banish your worries: not a bad apple in the bunch). A tip: You’ll be amazed at what they do with ribs.

Bones Appétit!

—A. Looney