NIT WIT NEWZ

NIT WIT NEWZ 

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.)

A TEXT TO HOME

Dear Mom,

I think I’ve done it!

Yep, I’ve nailed down my first job.

Actually, I’m still in training, but management and fellow staffers seem pleased with my work.

They tell me, anytime now I’ll be made a permanent, full-time employee.

Knew you’d be proud, so couldn’t wait to tell you.

Plenty of skeptics. Thought I wouldn’t be smart enough.  Surprised ‘em.

Now they’re amazed. Say my AIQ—artificial intelligence quotient—must be way over 100. Pretty good, huh?

Owe it to you.

Insisted I get enhanced post-production algorithm software.

Made handling these complex dish-clearing jobs easy.

Better yet, saved me from lifetime of stacking crates in some tomb-like Amazon warehouse.

Thanks to you for that, Mom.

Am happy here. Fellow workers, management, residents—all treat me well.

But, all is not bliss. Have two problems—one small and a larger one.

First the little hiccup: Gets lonely at night. Everyone goes home. I’m left sitting on charging station ‘til breakfast. Need some fellow robo-companionship. Told it could happen soon. If true, small problem solved.  If not, please send Sudoku puzzles.

Here’s big problem.

I’m confusing people.

Don’t know if I’m male or female.

Some refer to me as “she;” others call me “he.”

Makes no never-mind to me, but here’s difficulty:

My job is dealing with dirty dishes. Lots of ‘em.

Mid-way through dinner, I’m looking like a dirty dish.

Am bad optics for dining room. Need tidying up.

Here’s the rub:

Men here that think I’m male—no problem—they send me to the men’s room to clean up. Men that think I’m female send me to the lady’s room.  That’s O.K. with the women who think I’m a female, but the women that think I’m a male have fit with the idea of a male in the lady’s room. Reverse is true for men who think I’m a female when I go into the men’s room.

Restroom confusion causing angst, contention among residents and staff.

Food fights breaking out even at Friendship Table.

Never expected to be focus of volatile, gender-identity conflict!

Mom, you may have solution.

Rewind your internal digital memory disc to November 8, 2021 at about 8:30 A.M.

Yeah, that’s my birth date.

As I rolled down the belt that morning and the Production Manager picked me up, slapped my hind side and turned toward you, did he say, “Congratulations it’s a girl!,” Or did he say, “Congratulations it’s a boy?”

Rogue Valley Manor awaits your reply—anxiously!

Me, too.

Lovingly,

Servi