MEDFORD TO PARIS —BY RAIL?

NIT WIT NEWZ

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling, and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.)

   MEDFORD TO PARIS —BY RAIL?

Scene: International Olympic Headquarters in Lausanne, Switzerland.

Date: The Present

Under Discussion:  The possible addition of new events to the 2024 Summer Games of the XXXIII Olympiad in Paris, France.

Participants: Thomas Bach, president of the International Olympic Committee; nine committee members; a committee assistant; Jordan Mo, de facto manager of a delegation from the U.S.A; several U.S.A delegate members.

(The sound of a gavel.)

Thomas Bach: This meeting will come to order. Who is our first applicant?

Committee Assistant: Ms. Jordan Mo from the United States.

TB: Welcome, Ms. Mo, please introduce yourself to the committee.

JM: My name is Jordan Mo, and I’m from Medford, Oregon.

TB: Medford?

JM: That’s right, Medford—the fruit basket of the Pacific Northwest. It’s where Harry met David.

TB: I’m not sure we’re acquainted with Harry and…

JM: In fact, we have for you, Mr. President, a Harry and David Holiday Gift Pack of their sumptuous pears. You may wish to share them with the committee.

TB: Thank you Ms. Mo, but it is our policy not to accept gifts from those who are petitioning us. Please proceed with your proposal.

JM: I shall. We would like the game, Mexican Train, to be added to the events in the upcoming 2024 Olympics in Paris.

TB: I’m afraid this committee is not familiar with that event; can you give us a few details?

JM: Mexican Train is a board game that can be played by…

TB: Let me interrupt you, Ms. Mo. The Olympic Games have never included board games in our competitions.

JM: We are fully aware of that, Mr. President. That is why we came here today to make our case. We are almost a quarter of the way through the twenty-first century and it is well past time that the most important and prestigious sporting event on our planet, the Olympic Games, begin nurturing and promoting mental acuity as well as physical agility.

TB: Whoa, Ms. Mo. What exactly are you proposing?

JM: Healthy minds, Mr.President, healthy minds. I needn’t remind you that they are just as important as healthy bodies. Mexican Train, like most board games, requires the disciplined application of a person’s mental powers. But that’s not all, there’s another equally important argument to add board games to the roster of Olympic events.

TB: Really? And what might that be?

JM: Adding Mexican Train to your menu of events would eliminate the specter that the Olympics discriminates against one of the world’s sizeable demographic groups that heretofore has been disinvited to participate in the games.

TB: Ms. Mo, the Olympics have made a conscious effort through the years to include all nations, genders, ethnic and racial groups. We are an all-inclusive organization.

JM: Not quite, Mr. President. The Olympics have ignored the mature among us. I’m talking about seniors, yes, seniors like you and me. Age-ism is a terrible thing.  Certainly the Olympic Committee does not want to appear to discriminate against this large and influential group—the world’s seniors.

TB: Well, no, of course not, but…

JM: Seniors can, and do, play board games.  And they play them well, very well—I might add. Ignore us no longer. Mr. President, GRAY MINDS MATTER!

TB: Well, I did notice that message on the T-shirts your delegation is wearing.

JM: So you see, the inclusion in the Olympics of the Mexican Train board game not only promotes the importance of brain power, it provides the Olympics with a full spectrum of worldwide participation among all age groups, not just the young and restless. No longer would you be vulnerable to age discrimination allegations.

TB: Hmm.

JM: Moreover, you might consider this. I’m sure it has not escaped your attention, Mr. President, that there has been a steady erosion of television viewership of the games in recent Olympiads. That trend accelerated at the Tokyo events last summer. If I’m not mistaken, the sale of television rights is the largest source of the committee’s income. The addition of events that include older participants would certainly increase viewership among that large and significant cohort. Put simply: more viewers mean higher future television rights. Merely a reminder, sir.

TB: We’ll take that point under advisement. I must ask you: do you or any of your delegation have a financial interest in Mexican Train?

JM:  Oh no, no. I live at a senior community in Medford and introduced the game to a number of my fellow residents. We are all merely amateurs and have no connection to the Mexican Train Company. The game has not only taken off in interest among my community, but their level of skill has raised our players to world class status. Frankly, our team is ready to display their talents on the world stage. As an aside, I like to think that should you accept our proposal, our team stands a good chance of bringing home gold to Medford in 2024.

TB: Well, I suppose…

JM: Just imagine, Mr. President. If Mexican Train proves to be a success in Paris, you can look forward to adding chess, cribbage, Monopoly—all sorts of games to future Olympics. You now have the Summer Olympics and the Winter Olympics, why not an Autumn Olympics devoted exclusively to board games?

TB: Now, now, Ms Mo, as we say in the Alps—let’s not get too far over our bob-sleds. Your proposal represents a seismic change in the Olympics as we know it. And, in fact, it would present us with massive logistical headaches should it be implemented. Off hand, I’d say your chances are not that good. But, in fairness, you can be assured that the committee will give your proposal all due consideration.

JM: We ask no more than that. Thank you, Mr. President.

Committee Member #7:  Ms. Mo, excuse me. I wouldn’t mind having one of those Larry and Davis pears.

TB: Ignore that request please, Ms Mo.

Committee Member #7:  Sorry.

TB: Now, it appears that we just may have time for one more applicant proposal. Who would be next?

Committee Assistant: That would be a Ms.Jeanette Bournival. She’s from Oregon—Medford, Oregon. Her proposed event is a game called Rummikue—it’s a board game.

(A gavel raps three times)

TB: Meeting adjourned.

—A. Looney