Do Cats Grieve?

                                                 Daphne and the cats

By Bob Buddemeier

My wife, Daphne Fautin, exercised the Death with Dignity option on March 12.  I have written about the human aspects of the process, but humans aren’t the only creatures in our lives or our household

Before

Why cats? Well, they’re family.  Frank, the compulsively friendly Siamese and Kip, the neurotic but amusing Tabby, had been with us since somebody dumped them at our house in rural Kansas in 2013.  We named Frank after Sinatra with his blue-blue eyes.  And Kip was named from Yom Kippur, the holiday we were celebrating when they arrived at our doorstep.

Frank and Daphne

Going beyond that, when you start trying to look Death in the eye, I think it makes you more appreciative of all forms of life, not just your own.  Frank was especially close to Daphne – both in terms of bonding and physically.  They spent many hours together on the couch, with Frank napping up against her leg while she read or did crosswords

As her time dwindled down, one of her most frequently expressed regrets was her inability to explain to the cats what was going on.  Other cat people at RVM (there are many) would say “Oh, they know.”   I have to agree, professional skepticism notwithstanding.

                                    Kip

As time went on, Kip, although a stand-offish cat for 7 years, started sleeping on the bed –even when Daphne took a nap there in the afternoon. Then in the last month, she would get up on the edge of the bed in the evening when Daphne was lying on her back reading.  Kip would put her forepaws and chin on Daphne’s ribcage or belly, and sit propped against her until the lights went out.

At about the same time Frank (always friendly anyway) adopted a new behavior – he would get onto Daphne’s lap, press tight against her chest, and push his head up under her chin.  About as close to a hug as you can get when you have short forelegs.

Neither behavior was seen before that, or with anybody else.  Do they smell leukemia?  Is there some “it’s almost over” cue in body language?  Nothing is certain, but if I had to bet, I’d say that some kind of recognition was going on in their little kitty minds.

After

Daphne died on a Friday; the atending relatives left on Monday.  That morning: Kip didn’t put in an appearance until 11 a.m., and when she did, she was almost completely silent. Both behaviors are very atypical.  Frank got up 6:30-ish and went out on his leash – but only for a very short period. When he came in, he went to sleep on the couch for the rest of the morning.  Also very atypical. Visitor fatigue?  Grief? The answer probably depends on how much of a cat person you are.  The next week cements it in my mind – definitely grief. If a cat can be said to mope, he mopes – sleeps even more than his usual 16 hrs/day, doesn’t claw or climb his cat tree, lies on the floor (instead of on elevated surfaces), responds to but doesn’t solicit petting.

Kip comes back into a more normal mode after a few days, but it’s almost 10 days after Daphne’s death before Frank starts to play with things, rub against legs, and sneak out w/o leash to find his neighborhood buddies who dispense belly rubs.  I continue to try to remember that I need to seek him out and give attention.  He’s a little like Daphne – I’m supposed to know when I should pay attention and not wait for invitations.  A totemic animal — I’ve apparently been married to a member of the Cat Clan for 34 years.

Neither of the cats has ever demonstrated again the behaviors that they consistently showed with Daphne in the interval just before she died.

I put the attractive little chest containing Daphne’s ashes near one of Frank’s favorite napping spots.  Rank superstition?  Positioning the unrecognizable remains of a dead person and an animal as if it would make a difference to either?  Well, so what.  It felt right so I did it.  I spend enough time thinking.