Botox in the Lake

NIT WIT NEWZ

(Nit Wit Newz is an unauthorized, often unreliable, on-line news source designed to keep Manor residents abreast of the inconsequential, trifling and superficial events that dramatically shape and inform our everyday lives here at Rogue Valley Manor.)    

LAKE CLEANUP DREDGES UP MYSTERY WRECKAGE

Annual February cleanup of Manor lake reveals capsized “small ship.” Puzzled landscape crew finds hull of Quail Point Yacht Club boat filled with empty Botox containers.

Initial fears dismissed that seepage of chemicals from containers may have adverse effect on carp and koi well-being. Inspection by marine biologist declares, “Fish are fine”—but expressed surprise to discover previously encountered wrinkling in older fish “has vanished!”

News sweeps through Lake Village homes.

Residents make demand of new Grounds Manager, Alexander Baldwin. Want refill of lake to include abundant amounts of Botox additive. Despite continued chilly weather, same residents rush to order new spring line of swimwear from Amazon. Form committee to consider feasibility of bringing in sand and adding cabanas to make access to age-reversing waters more resident friendly.

Meanwhile, mystery remains: Who owned sunken vessel? Why was it carrying chemical cargo?   What caused sinking?  Date for official inquiry not yet set.  Yacht club commodore insists he’s “…not a person of interest.”

—A. Looney